Sometimes, when you least expect it, Opportunity comes a-knocking. And so you answer the door hesitantly, wearing your pajamas, you weren’t expecting anyone, completely unprepared, because you thought Opportunity was going to visit you later, in ten years maybe, when everything in your life was orderly, when you were dressed for the occasion sitting on the couch, waiting, with red lipstick on.
But instead, here is Opportunity now, standing in your doorway, inviting itself in, walking right into your life, pouring a cup of coffee, sitting down at your table and refusing to leave. While seeing Opportunity standing right in front of you is always exciting, it is also a little awkward when you weren’t expecting it, you didn’t RSVP. But it’s time to go to the ball anyway, pajamas and all.
I am about to begin a new adventure, as the Outreach Director for the pregnancy resource center where I volunteer. I am beyond thrilled at the prospect of engaging the community in the fight for the life of the unborn, as well as raising support for women and men facing unplanned pregnancies. The details surrounding this decision are nothing short of God’s handiwork, leading me, comforting me, confirming to me: follow. It’s okay. You don’t have to feel ready. Let’s go. I’ve prepared you for this moment. I’m coming with you.
I wrote in my journal last week, “I know this is totally wrong, and sacrilegious but sometimes, I swear I’m God’s favorite.” And that’s how this journey has felt.It is like puzzle pieces that I have been collecting for years, wondering at their size or shape or sharp edges or abstract images, finally fit together and make sense. I was created for this. I didn’t deserve it, or expect it. You guys, the details surrounding this decision have blown my mind, things that only God could have known have been answered without me saying a word.
And while I have concerns and fears, and even a sadness about the end of this current chapter, a sense of overwhelming peace continues to infuse itself into my life. The things I worry about are real, like:
What if people think I’m not passionate about this because I’m getting paid? That it’s just a job?
What if something happens to Audrey when I’m not there?
What if I choose the wrong person to care for her?
What if the stay-at-home-moms think I’m a failure?
What if people can’t see my heart in all of this?
But do you know what else is real? God’s goodness. I know beyond these things, that God is good and the only way I am going to thrive in this new chapter is to constantly surrender, trusting that I am a tool in the hands of the most loving Master, crafting a piece I cannot even begin to imagine. I only need to be willing. You know, God has a pattern of using those who didn’t feel ready or enough. He doesn’t choose the equipped, He equips the chosen. That’s how He proves Himself.
If you think of it, pray for me.